August 31st, 2006

Yankee Clipper

Scared Me Outta Three Years of My Life

I'm sure...

Well. I went to see my urologist last week. Routine stuff, right? Every six months for me.  Let's just say me and my prostate have issues. I originally went to see this guy on the advise of my General practitioner as I was getting up every hour at night to go take a wiz! I'd also been to a sleep clinic and have been diagnosed with apnea (related - but another story altogether) Medication stopped that nocturnal wizzing. I was losing sleep over this. Literally.

I always say I'm paying the price for my mis-spent youth. Cuz Da-yum! As I've gotten older (I'm 48) I sure seem to be spending a lot of time with freakin Doctors!

He had me go get a PSA test. Again, a routine deal...Every six months or so. He said he'd call with the results. So I went and did the thing. And promptly forgot about it.

Well, the good doctor and I have been playing phone tag. For nearly a week now. He's a busy guy, and I'm a busy guy. I've always found it is harder to hit a moving target. So I stay busy. Heh heh!

So yesterday I'm sitting at my workstation in Cube City working on one of several security projects I've managed to have put on me. (Guess I wasn't moving fast enough!*grin*). When the phone rings. I look over and recogonize the number on the display (Caller ID is a GOOOD thing, IMHO)  as being his office. I had already "tagged" him before lunch. So I pick it up. State my name, "TexasT's here."

It's the office nurse, "Mr. T's?"

Me - "Yes. That's right"

She - "Mr. T's, I'm calling you to schedule your Biopsy-"

Me - "Excuse me? My w-hat?"

She - "Yes I'm calling to schedule you for your prostate biopsy" It was about this time I must have almost went away because I'm sure I heard "colon biopsy"

Me -  "Excuse me??" "Just what is this test for?"

She - "It is a test for Cancer, Mr. T's"

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Me - "You have got to be kidding me...CANCER?! Me?"

She - "I'm sorry Mr. T's, but yes that's what the test is for."

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Me - "Are you sure you've got the right guy?"

She - "Yes, Mr. T's. Hasn't the doctor talked to you about your PSA test?"

Me - "Uh- erm...that is....NO! We've been playing phone tag..."

She - "Oh I'm sorry Mr. T's. I thought the Doctor had spoken to you already..."

At this point there is a very pregnant pause, because I'm thinking:
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Me - "Is he in?" I ask weakly...

She - "I am so sorry. I really thought the doctor had already spoken to you. I'll make sure you are the first call he makes when he gets into the office from surgery."

Me - "Thanks. That will be swell," I whisper into the phone. "Bye"

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Okay, is this the prostate or colon? - I'm asking myself. Shit! No wait! He's the urologist. Must be prostate...I can deal with this. I think the reason I got so confused was a friend of mine I spent some time with recently had colon cancer. And he now eliminates (poops) into a bag that is attached to his lower abdomen. He's an older guy. In his sixties.

And THAT, friends and neighbors, is not something that I am prepared to do at this time. Maybe when I'm older. But not now...

Not NOW!

But prosate cancer is something I CAN deal with...

So the good doctor calls back an hour or so later. We discuss my PSA scores. They are high. And the Biopsy. And I am calmer...He hands me off to the nurse again and we set up the appointment for next Thursday. They'll mail me some paperwork and a scrip for some antibiotics for before, during, and after the procedure. It's an office visit thing.

And I'm okay with the whole thing...I'll just wait and see.

But Still. I think they scared me out of a few years of my life! Sheesh!