December 7th, 2006


What a difference Forty Years makes...

Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.

1963 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack.

2006 - School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.


Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1963 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.

2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.


Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.

1963 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits still in class.

2006 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.


Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad gives him a whipping.

1963 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2006 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.


Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school.

1963 - Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock.

2006 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.


Scenario: Mary turns up pregnant.

1963 - 5 High School Boys leave town. Mary does her senior year at a special school for expectant mothers.

2006 - Middle School Counselor calls Planned Parenthood, who notifies the ACLU. Mary is driven to the next state over and gets an abortion without her parent's consent or knowledge. Mary given condoms and told to be more careful next time.


Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.

1963: Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.

2006: Pedro's cause is taken up by state democratic party. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can't speak English.


Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant hill.

1963 - Ants die.

2006 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list.


Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary, hugs him to comfort him.

1963 - In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2006 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison and being a registered Sex Offender for the remainder of her life. 

The Times They are a Changin'


Freakin' ORANGE Topsiders...

Fashion Faux-Paux!

Oh shi-aat, Robert...Thought I knew you. Are you married? And your wife let you leave the house wearing those effing things? If you ain't, you still shouldn't be allowed to dress yourself!

Maybe on a boat, man! If you went overboard you would still be seen wearin' those mofo's! Even if they were still on your feet! And you were right side up! They glow in the dark I bet...

But not at work at the Big Clam

Dress black pants, nice shirt, black leather jacket. AND BRIGHT ORANGE topsiders! That is just wrong on soooooo many levels. Those gunboats are offensive. Hurt my eyes just to glance at them!

Take 'em back!

How Many of These

Can you answer? No cheating! I'll post the answers later...I could not answer them all myself!

The US government last week said it will revise the citizenship test to focus less on memory and more on understanding. "Rather than asking how many branches of government there are, we would ask why we have three branches of government," says Emilio Gonzalez, director of U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services. (Answer: checks and balances.) Good thing you don't have to take the test to keep your passport. Here are 10 of the proposed new questions. You need to get six right to pass.

1 What do we call the first 10 amendments to the Constitution?

2 The House of Representatives has how many voting members?

3 What Cabinet-level agency advises the President on foreign policy?

4 Who is the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court now?

5 What does it mean that the U.S. Constitution is a constitution of limited powers?

6 What is the current minimum wage in the U.S.?

7 What are "inalienable rights"?

8 Name one of the writers of the Federalist Papers.

9 What territory did the United States buy from France in 1803?

10 What is the tallest mountain in the United States?

According to Gallup, 83% of Americans can't name the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. Can you?

Freely stolen from Time Magazine