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December 18th, 2012

Out for a bit last night.

I know I shouldn’t. And I haven’t. Till last night. On the way back to La Casita, I went thru the drive thru at the local Mickey D’s. I was hungry. And it was there. And I was there. So.

I started back to my apartment, and I had this… this feeling well up inside of me. A sense of not well being. By the time I parked the Saturn Express, I was just about panicked.

I hadn’t felt like this since before I quit smoking. All nervous. Shaky. Sick to my stomach. Couldn’t catch my breath. Heart was racing.

WTF!?!

No, seriously…

And I had stuff in the trunk to bring in. I couldn’t get it all to sit on my Two Wheeler right. Kept falling over. Or off. Honestly. I was beside myself. I finally sat on the hood of my car and closed my eyes and concentrated on just paying attention to my breath. Not sure how long I sat there as I don’t wear a watch, but I believe it was quite some time.

Finally got it all together and repacked some stuff, moved some other things around and got it all to stay on the dolly. *laughs* I know I was there for some time because when I went to eat my junk food, it was cold and unappetizing. And I was no longer hungry. QPC and fries into the trash! 6 Bucks out the window. Don't care. Didn’t eat.

So was it the food that set me off? Or the fact that I was realizing that I didn’t really want to be where I had been earlier? Or something else? I honestly don’t know.

Something set me off. That was a frickin’ panic attack! And I’m clueless as to what it was that caused it.

Once I got in my door I collapsed on the couch and watched the end of the MNF game that was on. Went to bed shortly after. Slept till 0900 or so.

I’m still mystified as to what that was about though.

And this morning I ordered some collapsable plastic crates to keep in the trunk of my car. I think part of the frustration could have been alleviated with one of those. I’ll put two in the boot and keep one at la casita.

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In other news and it ain’t good…

Call from friend KD this morning.

His mother passed sometime this morning. He is understandably upset. I met up him this afternoon. And I knew he would be (or want to be) “in his cups” as it were. So I took a couple of BLT’s and some fries from Beck’s. And a Mediterranean salad for me. Didn’t agree to anything further until he ate what I brought for him. So we ate and talked. And then walked (Walked!!) round to a bar close to his Mom’s place. I got a clue as to just how out of shape I am. **Blargl. That has got to change.** We had a couple of beers each and then walked back.

I think her going was a mercy though. She didn’t have to do a lengthy stay in the hospital or hospice. Best for all involved. It was just her time, I guess. Was in her 80’s and getting more and more frail as time went on.

I never met her but from all indications she was a fine woman.

I’m going to need a suit that fits. Jos A Bank, maybe? Later today or early tomorrow, I’ll need to look into that.

So I agreed to meet KD and his GF (whom I’ve never met, I might add), at KD’s Moms place in the AM. And it was at her suggestion that I attend. Go on an appointment with them for casket, obit, etc. Why did I agree to that? Because I give a fuck, that’s why. I guess they need someone objective. Dunno about how objective I’ll be because I’m usually referred to as objectionable. *grins*

Supposed to meet them at 1030AM. *laughs* This is a bit more civilized time than was originally discussed. Gonna be a hard Christmas for him. I’ll help him out however I can.

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Okay ~ LJ is fucked. Has been all day ~ Originally tried to post this at half 12.

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