TexasT's (texasts) wrote,

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A Topic For Discussion

Got into a rather heated discussion last night...About death and dying.


The question is:

Is there a difference between wanting to die or being ready for death and not being afraid to die?


Now the reason I ask is this...This topic came up yesterday evening at some friends house where I was for dinner.

If you were to die tomorrow would you be ready? My answer was thus:

I am not afraid of death or dying. I have very few regrets and those that I do will sort themselves out in the end. I have lived life more fully, had more life experiences than most average folks would have had in lifespans thrice as long as mine.

I was then accused of wanting to die. How morbid. Me? I think not! How could you even accuse me of such nonsense? This led to a lengthy discussion over dinner of which I shall not go into the details of. Other than to say this:

...I now believe that even though my friends have known me for nearly thirty years, they really know me not at all. Were they not listening as I told them some of the things I had done?

No I am not afraid of death or dying. I have come closer to it more times than most people would in two lifetimes. I lived life more fully if sometimes more stupidly, than most of the people I know. Life which through, mostly decisions of my own, led me down an exciting if sometimes harrowing path, and I relish that. It has helped to shape me into the man that I am today...

No, not the pear shaped exterior I now find myself wearing.

I am talking about the man inside, who was fearless (out of necessity sometimes, foolhardiness at others, and sometimes just out of sheer hard-headed-ness) and unafraid to take on anything thrown in front of him. And smart enough to come out on the other side. Bruised, battered and beat up inside and / or out, perhaps, but hopefully a little wiser for the experience.

In my short 50 years of visiting this planet, nay, in the first 30 years of my life, I lived life closer to the edge than most. In fact, I have teetered on the edge, and done dangerous, (sometimes) stupid things that I look back on and think, Jesus! Was I ever lucky to get through that!

But the facts are, I did and my life has been much richer for it, I think. Even though the brink of destruction and I have been very close at times.

My perceptions were sharper at those times. Senses more keen. Had any nice adreneline rushes lately?

The last 20 odd years have not been nearly as exciting as my first 30. And I am alright with that.

Indeed I was lucky to survive those first 30 years. But was it really? Luck? Or something else? I really have no idea.

But I'm still here. And I still live. I will continue to do so until I don't. And I'll still fight for life.

Of course I don't plan to go any where anytime soon. Does any man really want to know the time of his death? I surely do not. Not at this time anywise.

But if it had to happen, I hope I would be ready to go to the land of shadow with grace and dignity.

Not fear and self-righteous indignation at being taken before I perceived it was my time to make the journey up the river Styx.

So. What about you?

Is there a difference between wanting to die or being ready for death and not being afraid to die?


Peace out!

Tags: death, my life
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